My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
