At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
