Im at strip club and am horny
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
