she looked like the before picture.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
