i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
