he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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