I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
