I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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