My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Alive.
So much puke
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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