Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
