guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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