I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
