what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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