There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
