we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
