He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
