Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
