i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
