I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
