I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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