So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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