and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
