i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
