rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
