I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
