So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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