In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want nice things and good sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
