so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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