I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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