the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
