So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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