k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
