Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
