What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
