She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
