rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
