If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
