Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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