Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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