I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
