Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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