If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
