I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
