My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
