You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
