so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
