Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
