it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Boobs speak an international language.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He shit in the fireplace
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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