Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
