I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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